"There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you."
- Maya Angelou
I realized that just like I wrote in my first blog post, my heart feels in Spanish and my mind thinks in English, and that sometimes the things I want to share come in one language and not in the other. I decided to reconnected with my Spanish blog first since it made me feel more comfortable thinking I was writing a letter to my family and friends.
I guess when I started toying with the idea of having a blog I felt very vulnerable sharing my thoughts and words. For some reason when we post things on the Internet we think the whole world is going to read them (even though we know only our family and friends will read it at the beginning) so I felt very exposed, thinking about what my imaginary readers would want to read about and what their reaction to my words would be.
What I didn’t realize was all the pressure I was putting on myself. Always thinking about these imaginary readers and forgetting why I wanted to do this in the first place. So then, I left the comfort zone "illusion" that my head was giving me and I had a heart to heart conversation with my soul.
Why do I want to blog anyways? What do I want to accomplish with this practice? Why does it feel like I MUST share my words?
I blog to connect. I blog to honor my story and my place on this earth and to allow discovery and change to be documented. I’d like to break up with loneliness and accomplish a long-lasting relationship with continuity. I must share my words because I can’t contain them anymore. Because sharing my story and my vulnerabilities connects me with other hearts and together we feel less lonely. Because if I don’t my inner monsters take over and run the show and I’m done with being an extra in my own movie. Because my seed state is over now and I’m ready to become a flower and share my scent with the world around me.
Sending a big hug your way